10 tips for singles on Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is upon us once again.  That day, once a year, with all the reminders of heady romance, dinner dates, red roses, chocolate hearts… 

When you’re in the middle of a break up, or you’re single following a divorce, all this soppy love stuff is probably the last thing you need right now.  I know – I’ve been there.  It’s easy to feel down, lonely and sad, and imagine that everyone else is out having a wonderful time with their partner.

I am here to remind you that you have a choice.  You can make a conscious choice to think and feel differently.

You have power over the remote control to your brain, and you can change how you feel. 

 So I’ve created my top 10 tips to reframe Valentine’s Day this year.

 Take a dose of reality

You might think that everyone else is out, all loved up and enjoying a romantic meal out with red wine and roses.  But take a pause. Remind yourself that the picture-perfect image is probably not true of many relationships. how often have you seen couples out, sitting on opposite sides of a table, not really talking? Reality isn’t actually the way the media portrays it!

Have an “alternative” Valentine’s evening

Spend the evening with other people in a similar situation. Get together with your single friends, and have an Anti-Valentine's get together, or a games night. Play loud music and dance around the kitchen. Watch a movie as far removed from romantic comedy as possible!

Show yourself the love

How could you show yourself a little love? Buy yourself flowers, go on a ‘date’ with your kids, watch a funny movie, or buy yourself those chocolates. Why rely on someone else to do it for you?

Boost your endorphins

Be kind to yourself, and do something that you know lifts you, makes you feel better, and increases your endorphin levels.  Go for a run, a brisk walk, a cycle, go to a comedy night, or watch a funny movie.

Shift your focus away from what you miss

Instead of thinking about what you might be missing, shift your focus onto what you DON'T have to put up with any more. What always annoyed you about your ex? What little habits don’t you miss?

Focus on what you have GAINED - whether that’s time to do a new hobby, or the freedom to eat something your ex hated. What can you do now that you couldn’t do before?

Stay off social media

Disconnect from social media. Don’t check up on your ex, to see what they are doing. That way madness lies – I think of it as a form of torture.  You don’t need to see that stuff any more.

Instead, flip your focus back to yourself, and what you can do to make things that little bit easier.

Show your loved ones how much you appreciate them

Valentines doesn't have to be about romantic love. So today, let your kids, your family, your friends know how much you love and appreciate them. Give your best friend a call and let them know how much you appreciate the support they have shown you over your break up.

Spread the love!

Do something kind for someone else. Doing kind things for someone else boosts our serotonin levels, the neurotransmitters which help us to feel satisfied and content. Many anti-depressants work by increasing serotonin levels in our body – why not do the same thing simply by doing something nice for someone else?

Notice the little things that are good in your life

Gratitude is a fantastic antidote to stress. Write a list of all the things in your life that you are grateful for and stick it to your fridge. Concentrate on it for 30 seconds and see how you feel. Do you notice your mood lifting? Consciously looking for the good things we have also helps to boost your feel-good hormones, and it will train your brain to start looking for the positives, even when things might seem really challenging.

Know that this too shall pass

Remind yourself that this too will pass. You will feel better, you will get through this. If this is your first Valentine’s Day on your own, know that you will never have to go through this “first” again.  Next time will always be easier.