Caroline’s story

“My husband’s affair came as a complete shock to me. I was horrified by his behaviour as were my children, family and friends.

My immediate concern was how on earth am I going to cope? He earns almost three times my salary and had control of all our savings so suddenly for the first time in years I was concerned about money. I also worried about my children as they loved and respected their father and I feared that was to be lost, maybe forever.

I felt incredibly vulnerable, scared and nervous. I hated being alone in the house and returning home to an empty home filled me with fear. Sadness, pure sadness would come upon at night and I woke up crying most mornings. I also harboured the deepest anger I have ever felt in my life. The type of anger that made me want to run; I ran for miles.

I would not be where I am today without Claire’s coaching! I was determined from the start that the divorce was not going to define me. I didn’t want to be a bitter divorced woman in my fifties who was talking about her divorce in the years ahead. I wanted to be Me.

I found Claire’s coaching very practical and it totally challenged my thinking. I was diligent in implementing the changes we talked about in the sessions. I would go for a coffee straight after my sessions and sit in the cafe to re-read my notes until I totally understood them.

At first, I was scared whenever I re-entered my home but then I began to change things - I would leave the radio on, put up new photographs, redecorated my bedroom, light candles. I walked around my home and room by room I removed things I didn’t like, so slowly the home became different and I welcomed the change.

Claire talked about how I couldn’t control his actions, his decisions, his attitudes but I could control my reactions. I tried hard to understand this concept and have to say it took weeks, then suddenly I got it. My husband did something that upset and shocked me. Within 24 hours I had processed my thoughts and I genuinely believe with all my being that his actions, his decisions totally belong to him and I can only be responsible for my reactions. My reaction is to acknowledge that his decisions belong only to him. A true sense of freedom come from that light bulb moment.

Walking alone along the coast in the spring I had a feeling of sadness and loneliness. I could practically hear Claire asking ‘how can you flip it?’ I met my husband in my teens. He was my first boyfriend and the only man I had ever had a relationship with. I had never had a gap year instead I chose to train for my career in the same town I grew up in so I could be with this beautiful person.

Flip it I did!! I realised for I could have a ‘gap year‘ right now. The ‘exploring‘ I didn’t do in my teens I could now do in my 50s! I can meet new men, have fun, go places I’ve always wanted to go, be the person I want to be, not defined by marital boundaries.

I am a stronger, more resilient person that I was 18 months ago. Yes I still have outburst of tears when something tips me but when the tears stop I don’t remain in that sad place, instead I more forward with my head held high. People close to me can not believe the difference in me, how I conduct myself and keep moving forward.

During this challenging time I even took promotion at work to a role I had declined for years. I am fulfilling the role with confidence and have become a true leader.

Claire is so calm and welcoming. I felt completely safe and I was able to say whatever I needed to and she never appeared shocked or judgemental. Claire is a great listener and she is able to move you forward in a constructive way. Above all she is professional.

I would strongly recommend Claire to anyone going through a divorce. It will become one of your best investments. Investing in myself at this time of change has been money well spent.

Surprised to be single and excited by my future! Who would have thought I’d ever say that?”