Lucy J’s story

“When I got in touch with Claire, my main worry was how stuck I was and the loneliness. Whilst I have good friends, I missed the support of my family who are spread all over the world.

The end of my marriage coincided with my retirement from work, my elderly parents’ sharp decline and a terrible accident that led to my father’s hospitalisation and then death. My mother’s dementia meant that she was unable to live alone and finding suitable care for her was a huge challenge. My life just seemed to have imploded.

I was so angry and upset that my husband left me at a time when I needed his support the most, and he showed absolutely no compassion for my situation. I learned some seven months after he ended the marriage that he had been having an affair.

I was totally lost, lonely, and very depressed. I felt bereaved about both the end of my marriage and the loss of the support of my parents and it was very difficult for me to see anything positive in my life at the time. I felt unable to move forward. I seemed to spend a lot of my time crying and unable to make decisions; my daughters were very worried about me – something I still feel guilty about.

Claire really helped me to see the positives in my life and to focus my energies on what I could control and not on what I couldn’t. Also to focus on what I wanted to be as a person.

My goals were to be independent, resourceful, dignified, adventurous, fit and healthy, kind and compassionate. This seemed fairly unachievable when I first started but now, with the exception of dignified, I do feel that I have achieved my goals.

I am not proud to admit that I wasn’t always dignified in the communication I had with my now ex-husband but slowly that has improved. I am now much more able to focus on the positives, and away from my anger which was like poison. I have slowly realised that the only person I have hurt through my anger and resentment has been me, and on occasion my daughters. I never was going to be able to make my ex husband feel as hurt and desperate as I felt. I really wish I had had more self-control and pride.

It was a big turning point for me to focus on my strengths and personality, to realise that I am better off now, and that I am doing more than I ever did with my ex-husband. He has given me the opportunity to have a lovely new phase in my life. I have taken up new and rewarding hobbies and met new people. I never thought I would ever think positively about our divorce but finally I do now.

The biggest shift is that I now look forward, not too far forward, but not back. It was really healthy that my sessions with Claire did not focus on the past but looked forward to the future and what I needed in my ‘tool kit’ to make the shift from desperation to a new life.

It hasn’t been easy but when I look at my notes from our first sessions, I have come a very long way.

Claire listens and is compassionate, and I am pleased she didn’t let me drift into the negatives associated with my ex-husband but to really focus on what I could control, the options I have and thought processes to move forward.

I would certainly recommend Claire. She was very professional, very positive, insightful and experienced. She helped me enormously to really believe that there is and there will be a good life after my divorce.

Thank you Claire.”