Lucy’s story

“When I first started working with Claire I had left a long term marriage where I had become the victim of coercive control but because it had been my norm for so long I hadn’t been able to see how destructive and damaging the relationship was. My grown-up children were at university but both were damaged in their own way and I felt that in spite of leaving the relationship the control was continuing due to the outstanding financial dispute which was going through the solicitors.

My solicitor suggested I see Claire as I was unable to make decisions without becoming fearful and emotional and even getting a letter from his solicitor left me emotionally distraught for days.

I had taken years to find the courage to leave the marriage and having done so my fear was that he still had power over me because I remained afraid of him. I have lots of supportive friends and was able to talk to them but I was concerned that by constantly talking about the past and feeling afraid and resentful of the control he had over me I would never be able to grasp the opportunity I had fought so hard to obtain. 

I wanted to start a new life of freedom.

I knew I needed to turn things around so that I was looking forward and not backwards and I knew I needed somehow to take control of my own life and emotions…  I just didn’t know where to start or how to find the strength. I had thought the hardest part would be to leave him physically and hadn’t realised that it would actually be to find the strength to move on, get him out of my head and to learn to be kind to myself.

I was lacking in self confidence and self esteem, I felt emotionally very fragile and sensitive and felt that I was in a very dark place which had a way out…I just couldn’t seem to find it. All my friends and work colleagues know me as someone who is strong and positive but I couldn’t seem to find that person and I wasn’t sure where to start looking because I was consumed by insecurities and anxieties.

I find it very difficult to talk about my feelings so the first achievement for me was that I knew from the beginning Claire and I had a connection and were going to get on well. My first impression of Claire was that she was kind, non judgemental, empathetic and supportive but that she was going to push me out of my comfort zone and make me work…which of course wasn’t easy but was absolutely what I needed.

Even when I felt uncomfortable about what Claire was asking of me I still felt safe and could always see the benefit of the activity. She was able to gently nudge me along and when I looked through and practised between sessions I couldn’t just see the sense, I could also feel the benefit.

As I got to know Claire better I became more confident at trying new things and we were able to make the sessions fun as well as supportive and informative. I always felt she was on my side and that was so important for me as I felt very vulnerable.

My big ‘aha’ moment came when I realised I had choices, which then gave me back control. In the session when we talked about the ‘Stop, Breathe, Think, Act’ tool I knew that I could choose not to react emotively but could also choose to reflect, review my options and respond objectively… or not at all. That gave me back some of the power and was a turning point in managing myself and helping my children to find a way which was right for them.

So much has changed for me. I am now free both emotionally and physically, and have a house of my own where I am safe and happy. My children are living with me and our relationship is easy, calm and fun. I am still working towards a financial resolution through my solicitor, but I am able to remain objective and not let the unpleasantness of the situation ruin weeks of my life. 

Claire is warm, non judgemental and really cares about her clients. She is professional and able to draw on personal experience in addition to intuition and knowledge to provide an effective and helpful service. She gives you all the tools you need to manage things for yourself and to complete your own journey - all you have to do is practice and use them!

I would definitely recommend Claire to anyone who is in a difficult place and unable to move on during a divorce or separation. Sometimes when things are really bleak you need to talk to someone who is going to challenge you to move on and guide the way rather than someone who will reinforce your feelings of negativity because they are too close to you to question your thought process. Claire was that person for me - she helped me to move on in a gentle but effective way.”