8 ways to handle uncertainty
Do you feel anxious about how long your divorce, and all the uncertainty will last? You don’t know when it will end, or what life might look like afterwards. I remember worrying about where I would live, whether I would be OK financially, and so much more.
As humans, our brains don’t like uncertainty. It can be confusing and it can throw you into an “uncertainty loop”, where you feel discombobulated, unsure and anxious, and your thoughts go round in circles, increasing the feelings of anxiety.
Here are 7 tips (and a bonus one!) to help you break out of the uncertainty loop:
Acknowledge how you feel
First, acknowledge how you feel. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. When you acknowledge and name your feelings it helps to reduce their hold over you. Notice how the feelings manifest in your body, and the thoughts that manifest in your mind.
Use your breath to interrupt your thoughts and bring calm
First use your breathing to bring calm. Feeling stressed or anxious might cause physical symptoms - perhaps your heart rate rises, your skin flushes, or you start to sweat. Breathing deeply and slowly brings oxygen back to your brain, helps to reduce your heart rate, and brings you back to the now.
Breathe slowly in while you count to 5.
Hold for 2.
Breathe out slowly while you count to 7.
As you breathe out, imagine that you are breathing out all your stress and anxiety. Imagine it floating off and out of the window, where it disappears.
Or imagine that you are somewhere you feel relaxed and calm - in your happy place. Really imagine it and feel yourself there. Hear the sounds you would hear, see the view, and feel the feeling of relaxation and calm.
Did you notice that you can’t think while you are breathing and counting?
Shift your focus
What you focus on, you will find more of. When you choose to focus on the uncertainty, you will increase your feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. Instead, choose to shift your focus. Rather than focusing on the fact that you don’t know an end date, focus on each day, or week at a time.
Reframe your experience
How could you view this time differently?
If you live until you are 80, you will have lived for 960 months. Let’s say this period lasts 12 months - when you see it in the context of the 960 months you will live, how does your perspective change?
You can also choose to see each day as 1 day nearer the end. Every night, before you sleep, remind yourself that today you are another day closer to the end.
Actively look for the upsides
Rather than focusing on what you can’t do, look for what you CAN do. Get outside at least once every day. Notice how the seasons change and shift as time passes. If, like me, you have a dog, try new walking routes and enjoy your time together. Take your shoes off and walk on grass barefoot - notice how good that feels?
Connect to the present moment
Start to notice small things, like hearing children laughing and playing, watching a cat lie in the sunshine, or watching the leaves and blossom change on the trees around you. Know that in those moments, you are safe. Breathe it in, using all your senses to be truly in the present moment.
Looking for the upsides will keep your brain focused on the good stuff.
Interrupt your thought patterns, and ask better questions!
Your brain will answer the questions you ask it - just like Google. If you ask your brain why this is so awful, it will try to answer that question, and the answers are unlikely to help you shift how you feel.
If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. Next time you notice yourself asking negative questions that take you down a negative spiral, take a moment:
Stop.
Breathe.
Stand up and shake your body off.
Now ask yourself a better question:
what am I grateful for today?
what could I do right now to feel a bit better?
how could I shift my focus?
how could I see this differently?
You can retrain your brain to ask better questions. At first it may feel strange, but with practice it will become a habit.
Greet each day as a new one
Start to create positive patterns in your day. When you wake up, rather than switching on your phone and looking at the news, take a few moments to stretch, to stand tall and breathe deeply. Open the curtains and choose to smile at the new day. When you smile, you release endorphins into your blood stream, and they help to counteract any cortisol, or stress hormone.
Hal Elron, author of The Miracle Morning, suggests that how you start your day determines the quality of your day, and this certainly rings true for me. When I get up and greet the day with a smile, I find it affects all those around me. When I get up in a grump, my children certainly notice and respond accordingly!
Talk to yourself as you would to your best friend
Rarely are we as harsh to others as we are to ourselves inside our own heads. If you notice you are being hard on yourself, stop and pause. Take a few deep breaths, and ask what your best friend would say to you right now.