5 Red Flags to watch out for in ANY relationship

Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and effective communication. In the excitement of a new relationship or even the comfort of a longstanding one, it's easy to overlook behaviours that could signal deeper issues down the road.

Understanding and recognising these red flags early on can be crucial for maintaining your emotional well-being and the health of your relationships.

Here are five red flags I commonly hear about and see in my work with clients:

Refusal to self-reflect, or take any responsibility for their part

They blame others for everything, often you. They say things like, “it wasn’t my fault”, “look what you made me do”, “if you were a better person, we would be happier”. This stunts growth as a person.

Refusal to communicate or stonewalling

When you try to raise anything, it is never the right time, or you are punished with hours/days, even weeks of silence. This kills trust and safety in a relationship.

Not caring or being curious about how you feel or what you need

This minimises and invalidates your feelings. This might present as changing the subject when you ask for something, or it might be a downright refusal to provide what you need. “I don’t care how you feel”, “No, you can’t have a hug”, “don’t be silly, you don’t feel/need that”. This stifles ability to be vulnerable.

defensiveness

They meet your efforts to raise issues with defensiveness. They justify themselves, rather than listening. They don’t really hear you. “I only did that because you did X”, “I was making a joke, you’re being over-sensitive”. This confuses you. It gaslights you into questioning your reality, and your memory.

Making any issue you raise all about them

If you say something they did has upset you, they turn it around onto you, and you end up apolgising. They say things like, “I do so much for you and all you do is criticise”, “I’m doing all this work, and you never appreciate any of it”, “you’re upset? What about me?”. This causes you to question your own worth.

If you spot any of these patterns in your relationship, is it time to rethink or leave?

If you spot them early in a relationship, run fast in the opposite direction. It won’t get any better…

If you see any of these patterns in your relationship, and you’d like to talk them through, please get in touch